The game changer apportionment!!

Here we go again! This appointment is a tough one because it dives into my traumatic brain injury (TBI) and all the head stuff I've been dealing with.

Honestly, it's been quite the journey. I reached out to my internal medicine doc, explaining how my brain has been totally out of sync with my body again. Thankfully, he got us in with a TBI specialist right away—this is why I love Mayo! I've never had to wait more than two weeks for an appointment.

So, the morning started early, and let me tell you, I barely slept the night before. I was a bundle of nerves—my mind was racing in a million different directions! This appointment felt like it could be a game-changer. We might finally uncover the missing piece to understand why I keep hitting these frustrating setbacks every three years.

The car ride was quiet. I spent it coloring and tuning into my podcast. When we pulled up to St. Mary's, there was no valet parking this time, but that was okay. We were the first ones there, which is always interesting because you get a front-row seat to how they kick off their day at the front desk. A super nice guy checked us in and took my vitals.

When the doctor came in, we had a detailed chat about the incident: where it happened, how it went down, and what has changed since. We reminisced about when I started attending the "On With Life" program and how my feelings have evolved since then. We mulled over the past couple of years to see if any significant events could have triggered this recent setback. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy—I've faced some major challenges, like losing friendships, jobs due to my health, car troubles, money issues, and even a nasty fall down the stairs a few years ago.

Next, we did the usual neuro exam, which I've got down to a science at this point. Then we dove into the dizziness thing. I explained that it feels different from spinning—it's more like swaying on a boat, moving back and forth. We chatted about what triggers it and if I get any heads-up before it hits. I told her that activities involving a lot of movement, like scooping kitty litter or grocery shopping, often trigger it.

After chatting for about 45 minutes, she told me she thinks I have Persistent Postural-Perceptual Dizziness (PPPD). I jotted down some notes to keep it clear in my head. Here's the gist of it:

- **Persistent**: Feeling dizzy most days for at least three months.
- **Postural**: Dizziness gets worse when sitting or standing.
- **Perceptual**: You feel dizzy because your brain thinks something's off-balance.
- **Dizziness**: It feels like swaying or rocking, but not spinning like vertigo.

When everything's working well, your balance system—the combo of your eyes, muscles, inner ear, and brain—helps you stay steady. But with PPPD, there's a communication breakdown. Nothing's physically wrong, but all those parts aren't syncing up anymore, leaving you feeling unsteady on your feet.

PPPD often begins after something triggers it, such as an injury or a balance issue. It's like, "Oh great, my brain isn't talking to my body again!" What a pattern!

She suggested I either revisit "On With Life" or check out their brain rehab program and chat with Dr. Staab, a psychiatrist who knows a lot about PPPD and how cognitive behavioral therapy can help.

After all that, I drove home feeling frustrated about having to go back to brain rehab for the third time. I didn't want to return again, but after a few days of thinking it over and talking to some friends, we decided to go with the brain rehab programs at Mayo. Since I'm already getting some other therapy there, it just made sense to keep everything in one place.

I'm still feeling pretty down about having to go through this again. It feels like I'm letting myself and everyone else down. But I need to keep reminding myself of how much progress I've made—therapy really has helped me get here.

We also talked about potentially enrolling in a pain management program, but she wanted to wait until the brain rehab team evaluates me.

So, I'm working on keeping a positive mindset about it all!